I’m usually not quite so serious in our blogging entries, but Maria indicated that she would be interested in my responses from a Parenting Meme. Why not? I’ve always loved the questions that you should answer and then share with your 10 closest friends on e-mail. You know, what’s your favorite ice cream? (Blue Bell, vanilla) Do you like thunder or lightning? (Lightning!)
How do you view your role as a parent? What are you there to do? Play! Kidding. I’m doing my best to forget what Maria wrote, but I know this answer comes close to what she wrote. I think we are here to help them grow and be the person they are meant to be. God has a plan for all of us. I used to wrestle with what it was I was supposed to “do” in life, but I realized… maybe God intended me to be just what I am. A mommie (and a wife). I’m not saying that my kids are going to grow up and change the world, but they are part of that “butterfly effect” and what I teach and help them with can ultimately make the world a better place. I’d like to hope.
In your social circle, are fathers expected to work or are they encouraged to stay home with the child? Honestly, the fathers are expected to work. I live in a huge city with lots of different types of family situations, but in my immediate neighborhood and the surrounding neighborhoods closest to me – I feel like the majority of women stay home. There are women who work, definitely, and there are fathers who stay home, but my closest network of friends are all women who stay home.
How do you feel about your child’s education? What’s good about it, and what do you wish could be done differently? Currently, Joelle is in pre-k at a private church school, but she starts kindergarten next year in the public school system. Although Chris’s mother works at a very prestigious private school, we both felt very strongly that we wanted our girls to go the public route. We moved to this neighborhood and this house so that our girls could go to Spring Branch ISD. We did the suburb thing and didn’t like it. I didn’t want Joelle (she was the only one when we lived in Spring) growing up in an environment like that. It was too white and, more importantly, everyone seemed to think alike. We wanted a place where Joelle could go to school and not be a minority, but also feel the power of diversity. I loved that my high school was diverse and that I got to see and interact with all types of people. College, where there was almost zero diversity, was a shock to me. I hope that we choose a nice middle ground. Her elmentary school is comprised almost exclusively of people in our immediate neighborhood, but each level (middle and high school) encompasses more area and introduces more diversity.
Oh, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed where she is now. I just didn’t think that’s what the question was after. Some kids don’t even go to school in pre-k. I can’t speak for a lot about what I wish could be done differently and such because she isn’t there yet. However, I can speak for what I want to change in America. My brother once mentioned this to me when we were discussing vouchers and private school – public school is the American dream. This is what America should be about. Every single child really should get the same education. It doesn’t work that way though. The reality is that, even though we’re choosing public school, we were extremely careful about which public school we would embrace. I’ve heard folks in our area jokingly say, “our public school that’s really sort of private.” I wish it wasn’t that way, but I’m obviously not going to sacrifice my own child’s education because of an ideal I’d like to believe.
How do you share the childcare with your partner (if it is shared)? Do you tend towards different activities or different approaches to parenting? Aside from the fact that I do more of the childcaring, Chris and I are pretty darn close. In our marriage class, Pastor Jim warned that we’d have some issues because we come from such different families. However, Chris and I are melding into a true unit and really operate like one. Rarely do we argue or disagree on parenting. Chris might be slightly more active with them (very typical of the dad role) and I’m slightly more “mother hen,” but Chris and I will both pick up and do whatever it is they want and/or whatever it is that needs to be done in the house. We also say the exact same things a lot of the time now. We’re starting to scare each other a little bit. I guess that’s what 10 + years gets ya.
What are the most important virtues to instill in a child? I feel like independence is the most important virtue. I would answer that self esteem is the most important virtue, but through discussions with my mom, I don’t think you can. I think self esteem is genetic. I have suffered these last few weeks watching Joelle deal with the cast. She has become this shy little shell of what she was previously. I see myself reflected in this and want to cry to think that my baby might have as low of a self esteem as I did. I, like Joelle, never wanted anything to distinguish me from anyone. This is why I fought my parents so, so hard about braces. I didn’t want anything to make me stand out. She has hated the cast. The attention and questions are frustrating to her. It was Natalie, the most outgoing girl in class, who got everyone to sign Joelle’s cast.
What’s the relationship like between parents at the park and the school gate? Would someone you didn’t know help you out in a stressful moment? Yes. Absolutely. Our area of town is very unique. First, there are almost no strangers. I run into the same people over and over again. We all collide and live in this 5 or 10 mile radius. Second, we all help each other, all the time. I feel like I live within a small village in Houston.
What do you fear most for your child? There are two levels to this, to me. First, there is the every day stuff which goes back to self esteem. I want them both to love themselves and be proud of themselves. I don’t want them to be obnoxious or proud, but I want them to feel safe and secure with who they are. Second, I’m truly scared about global warming and the disastrous effects that they will have to live through. Frankly, I may have to live through. It scares me and keeps me up at night. I imagine us having to pack up and move to Wimberley in a hurry because of what could happen. (This also includes hurricanes and war.) We live in a big city, close to the ocean.
How do you discipline your child and what are the errors you would put most effort into correcting? I care the most about disciplining Joelle (Elise is a bit young for anything other then “no,” regarding running in the street) regarding social behaviors and how to live in this world. So, I get pretty angry when she has a tantrum at a playdate or she acts in a way that would keep her from living with other human beings. We have to all get along. I have to say that my temper was worse when Joelle was younger. Elise has made me more mild and will benefit from being second (Poor first children!) However, my temper will still flare up when provoked. Example, we all went for a walk two nights ago. Joelle was borrowing Chris’s Ipod. She’s done this twice before, but she did it a third time that night – she dropped his Ipod on the ground. The two previous times, I’d noticed and picked it up. This time, I didn’t. I rolled over it and stepped on it. I was livid. I guess my parents taught me to respect other people’s stuff because I can’t stand it when Joelle doesn’t care for other people’s stuff as much as she does her own. She was sucking a lollipop at the time. I popped it out of her mouth and threw it in the yard. I guess that answers both questions…. Again, I punish behavior that will make her suffer down the road and I punish with the most obvious means at that time. Sometimes, it’s time out, sometimes it’s taking away a toy, sometimes it’s taking away a treat.
Do you think the life of a child has changed much since you were young? Each generation is locking up and protecting their children more. Poppy just said the other day that he misses when he didn’t have to lock a door and he could run in the field all day. I truly, truly believe that there is not a whole lot more crime, but that two things are hurting our quality of life. One, we live closer together, but two, (and this is WAY more important) information is kinda ruining our way of life. We hear about one kid getting kidnapped and think that evil lurks at every corner. Information is sometimes an evil thing. Kids play behind fences now. We have to schedule more activities and playdates because troops of neighborhood kids can’t run freely in the streets.
What’s the best compliment your child could pay you for your parenting skills? Being my friend when they grow up. Mom, Dad, please take that as a compliment. You guys did an awesome job. Also, I want them both to have a joy in life and embrace it. I don’t want to ever judge what they do or how they do it. (If it’s legal and they can support themselves!)
